Don't Say Goodbye
by redpandasyndrome
Summary: "Besides, I heard it was someone's birthday." / "It's been five nights since she's seen Emma and the worry has finally gotten to her."
1. Chapter 1

**This is probably gonna bite me in the ass but I started writing this and I didn't know where I was going with it so if it sucks honey-roasted nuts, blame me.**

* * *

Was this how it was supposed to feel? Is this the world's way of reminding her every day that things would be different if it weren't for her? Or could it be that this was karma, making its stay just a bit more permanent than all the other times? The occasional tug in her chest, the lump in her throat, and the stinging behind her eyes became part of her routine, but always unpredictable. She'd be having lunch, her turkey sandwich forgotten as she pressed her hand tightly against her chest, right above her heart. Her breath would shorten and the fear that she could possibly be as close as dead makes breathing that much harder, even though she knows she isn't going to die. The few times tears would reach her desk, she'd angrily swipe at them, mad at herself for so many things but mostly because she was crying. Again.

And that's how she found herself once more on a Saturday, the rain pounding its way through the town. With a swipe at her eyes, she raises herself from her chair, and makes her way to the wide window that lets in the most light her home office has seen in the past few months. She stares out, eyes squinting, taking note that the leaves on the trees were starting to turn green again. Oh, but what does it matter? The beginning of a new season and where was she? Alone, at home, the same as always. Her eyes begin to lose focus, only to notice her own reflection in the window staring back at her. She bites her lip, stares hard, before averting her eyes. How could she be so ashamed of seeing herself?

And there it was. That tug in her chest that made her bite her lip that much harder. She stumbles back, away from the window and turns to face the door to her office. Her hand is pressed against her chest again as she makes her way out, her heels beating out an unsteady tempo. She focuses on her breathing, trying to slow down the beating of her heart, but she almost panics like she did the first time. When she finally reaches the staircase, she lets out a sigh of relief, gulping as she realizes she still has to make it to her room.

With a hesitant first step, she begins to make her way up the stairs, one hand on the railing and the other just resting over her heart. She hears each step echo throughout her house, the emptiness of it responding to her each time. When she finally reaches the top, she feels like she ran a marathon, her body aching and tired and stiff. She doesn't know why and it drives her mad. She hasn't done anything. Not a single thing and here she was, taking advantage of just how alone she is, to rest.

Making her way down the hallway, her hand trails along the wall, barely touching the smooth surface. Her eyes go over each photo she comes across, blinking sooner and faster the closer she gets to her door, trying to keep her tears from falling on the newly polished floors she finished that morning. Pushing her way into her bedroom, she squeezes her eyes shut, jaw clenching. And that's when she feels those hot and salty tears roll down her cheeks, only causing her to be so much more frustrated with herself. Quickly stripping herself from her clothes and heels, she slides between the cool satin sheets of her bed, goose bumps rising on her skin. She lies on her stomach; face deeply pushed into her pillow as it soaks up her tears.

Her ears take in the sound of raindrops hitting every possible surface outside, like they were pounding, beating, reaching for her. She takes in the sound of her labored breathing from all the energy she's used from holding in her sobs, causing them to become mere whimpers that go unheard. She rolls onto her back, taking in deep gulps of air, the tears disappearing as quickly as they came. Gripping onto her blanket, she shuts her eyes, hoping that she'll fall asleep sooner than most nights.

She _wants _to sleep. It almost makes her want to laugh, the butterflies in her stomach awakening at the thought. She was going to _sleep_. Her heart began to beat faster, eyes popping open. She stares at her ceiling as best as she could while lying in the dark, and she slows her breathing once more. She has to sleep. She _needs _to sleep. No matter what it took, she would sleep tonight like all the other nights and would wake up much too soon for her liking. But she would take whatever she got, even if those eight hours or so felt like just one.

She positions herself so that she's lying on her side, hand beneath her pillow and the other grabbing hold of the cool pillow beside her. Closing her eyes once more, she forces her body to relax as well as she can, the chill in the house causing her to curl within herself. She shivers, wondering if she should put clothes on or not, only to push the thought aside.

When she finally feels the claws of darkness pulling her under, her body melts into the mattress, a small smile tugging at her lips. She feels it. She's _so _close. And when she finally falls asleep, her body pulls the pillow she was gripping closer to her body.

* * *

She finds herself in a grassy clearing, dressed in breeches, a simple cotton tunic, and riding boots. Nothing over the top or drew attention, because whatever it took to go by unnoticed, she would do. Pushing herself up from the floor, she finds herself fingering at her hair again, still in awe at its length. The scattering of birds causes her head to snap in the direction they flew from, her heart pounding in her chest. When a deer scampers by, she is somehow pushed into action, making her way to the closest tree. She begins to climb it, the bark of the tree rough and unforgiving on her ungloved hands. Pulling herself up onto a branch high enough to be unseen, she perches on it, hoping that the thick branch will support her long enough.

Her heart stops when she sees a mane of blonde hair. The excitement coursing through her veins makes her want to jump from the where she was, and she almost does but she pauses. Taking a deep breath, she slowly makes her way down, branch by branch. When her feet touches solid ground once more, she turns, her blood pumping and her eyes immediately focusing on the blonde.

"I see you made it alright." She cringes. Who _says _that?

"Yeah, I missed you too, Regina." A roll of the eyes, but there, a smile.

She bites her lip and clenches her eyes shut. What was wrong with her? _This _was what she was waiting for all day. This is what she wanted to do the moment she woke up this morning, but now that she's here, she just doesn't know how to go about things and it makes her heart ache in a way that's becoming familiar. She feels hands on her hips and a warm body close to her own, and it makes her want to cry all over again.

"Stop it."

Her eyes snap open, lips in a thin line. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Regina. Quit it. You're only making things harder for yourself than it needs to be."

"Yes, because this whole arrangement now isn't hard already. Of course, my apologies, _princess_." She wants to stop herself. These words, they're _not _her. Or at least, not anymore. But she can't stop. It's like an endless rush of water and there's nothing strong enough to slow it down or stop it. "But forgive me if I can't seem to find a way to cope just yet."

"Hey, you're not the only one-"

"Yes, of course! My apologies, once more." She pulls herself out of the blonde's grasp, the warmth from her hands lingering on her hips. "I'm not the only one but it sure as hell _feels _that way. It also _feels _like I'm the only person in Storybrooke for that matter, because everyone else has made themselves scarce, awaiting your return. And here I am, with you, and not in the way I want to be. You should be in bed_with_ me, not in my dreams, Emma."

Emma's hands reach forward, latching onto her tunic, and pulls. Their bodies brushing against each other, Emma's hands tightly grip onto her hips. "I know I should be but until we figure things out, this'll have to do. Believe me when I say going home is my biggest priority right now."

She leans forward, resting her forehead against Emma's, hands sliding up to rest on the blonde's shoulders. "I know."

"How're things going back home?"

She shrugs. "The same as yesterday, I suppose."

Emma hums in acknowledgement, eyes shutting.

"And you? How are things going here?" Her eyes search the blonde's face, brows slightly drawn together slightly. "Have you been sleeping for that matter?"

"Things are going okay here. I'm a little disappointed that half of the stories I grew up with don't exactly apply. I mean, no one's even sang yet and I'm waiting for a great opening number. Sleep, on the other hand..." Emma sighed once more, moving her head so she could bury her nose in the crook of Regina's neck. "Sleep isn't much of an option right now. At least not with Cora."

"You won't do anyone any good if you're falling asleep in the middle of a battle." She lifts a hand, resting it on top of golden locks. "You'd be as good as dead if you aren't well rested."

"Such a charmer."

"I believe that's more your job, dear."

Emma smiled, lips curling and gently brushing against the column of her throat. "Did you just try to be funny?"

A small chuckle escaped her lips, the sound quiet but the rumbling in her throat the biggest giveaway. "I'd like to think that I have my moments, yes."

"Nice try." Emma sighed softly, lifting her head. "How are we going to do this, Regina? If we can't figure out how to get back."

Her fingers clenched slightly, the feeling of Emma's leather jacket beneath her hands the only thing keeping her from letting her knees buckle. "Don't say that, please," she whsipers. "We'll find a way. If you were able to come here, we'll find a way to get you back, no matter what it takes."

* * *

Her eyes shoot open, immediately regretting it the moment the sunlight hits her eyes. She angles her head away, squeezing her eyes shut. She lets out a deep breath, sitting herself up against the headboard, a hand running through her hair. She glances over to the other side of the bed, empty and the space cold. Pushing herself out of bed, she finds herself in the bathroom, beginning her routine in a sluggish yet proficient manner. She takes the extra time to screw the cap back onto her toothpaste, and she almost wants to laugh. Not at the fact that she bothers to, but because she actually did it. She had that much time on her hands that she was doing such simple tasks that go unnoticed.

By the time she'd finished brushing her teeth, washing her face, and combing her hair, she's standing in front of her closet. If it were any other day, she'd stay in the ratty t-shirt and sweats she had slept in, but today was special. She quickly dressed herself, giving no second thought of her choice of clothing. Slipping into her heels, she made her way down the stairs, the house no longer cold. The distinct sounds of spoons and forks clinking against plates drifts up the staircase, muffled voices following after.

She stops on the last stair, a hand gripping onto the railing. All she wants is to go back upstairs, lay in bed, and sleep. She wants to scold herself though, because how could she want to miss today? With a deep breath, she forces herself to walk toward the kitchen, the click of her heels puncturing the quiet air.

"Morning, Regina."

She dips her head slightly in acknowledgement. "Charming." Her eyes take in the mess on her kitchen counter, eggshells and flour littering the countertop. "I see you've made yourself at home."

"We'll clean it mom, don't worry."

The side of her mouth lifts as she waves her hand in dismissal. "It's alright, Henry. I'll take care of it." She strides over to the table where they sat, her hand resting on his shoulder. "Besides, I heard it was someone's birthday."

"Yeah, how old are you now? Twenty?" Charming playfully punches Henry's shoulder.

With a roll of his eyes and huff, Henry smiles. "I'm only turning fifteen."

Charming lets out a low whistle. "I remember when I was fifteen."

She sighs, running her hand through Henry's hair briefly. "Do me a favor, Henry? Don't do what he did when he was fifteen." She made her way to the messy counter, beginning to clean.

"So, what did you have in mind today, Henry?" Charming sat back in his chair, one hand resting on his stomach.

"Um, I'm not sure yet." Henry's eyes dart from his plate to Regina's back, then to Charming. "I haven't really thought about it, to be honest. Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Did you have anything you wanted to do today?"

Oh, that was such a loaded question. She didn't want to do anything. She wanted to go right back into bed, curl under her covers, and just lay there. She didn't want to leave her house and she didn't want to see the people in Storybrooke because all she'll see is the same look she's been getting for the past five years.

"No, Henry, I didn't have anything in mind. I thought you'd have thought of something. It's your birthday, after all."

He shrugs, scuffing his shoes slightly as he looks at his plate sheepishly. "I know, but I just thought you'd have something in mind that you wanted to do with me."

She pauses in her cleaning, her throat tightening and her heart clenching at his admission. She sucks in a breath through her teeth, letting it out slowly and quietly. "You know that I'll be happy doing whatever you'd like, Henry. As long as we get to do something together for your birthday, I'll go along."

"Anything? You mean it?"

She throws the last of the trash away, wiping down the counter. "Of course. You're the birthday boy. Anything you'd like."

Henry shot out of his chair, hugging her from behind tightly, his cheek resting against her upper back. "Thanks, mom."

The feeling of him pressed so tightly against her back with his arms around her almost made her forget about going to bed. She suppresses a smile, one of her hands coming to pat his. "No need to thank me, Henry."

"But I do." He squeezed her once more before letting her go, turning to face Charming. "Wanna go play video games for a little bit, old man?"

When she had finished cleaning the kitchen, Henry and Charming were already waiting for her by the door, gloves and winter coats on. Henry held hers out, a grin on his face. "Ready to go?"

She only nodded, slipping into the coat. She had stared at Henry for a while after that, taking in his dark auburn hair that he had chosen to grow out so he could style it. His eyes were the same as before, and his face still held its boyish features. The difference was that he was much taller than she remembered, the top of his head already at her shoulder. He was lanky, still awkward as all boys were who were going through puberty, and it made her heart clench at the realization that he was growing.

They had left the house around noon and they ended up going to Henry's favorite comic book store where he went through rows and rows of them, and Charming just as engrossed in them as he was. She couldn't help feeling useless when Henry went up to the cash register and paid for himself with his own money, stating that he wasn't a kid anymore and that just because it was his birthday didn't mean he couldn't pay for himself. She merely nodded in agreement, speechless at just how independent he'd become.

After that, they were at the ice-skating rink. Henry grinned, stopping her before she could reach into her purse. "I'll get it."

"Henry." She frowned, a hand on her hip. "Might I remind you that this is your birthday? You shouldn't have to spend your own money today."

"I know, but I want to."

"But Henry-"

"Mom, I'm paying and that's that. Got it?" He turned to the man behind the desk, a grin on his face. "A size seven for her, please."

Once the skates were placed onto the counter, he grabbed them in one hand while grabbing hold of her hand in his other. Henry pulled her along to a row of benches and sat, already pulling on his skates.

She stood there, watching the way his brows furrowed together and the tip of his tongue peeking out as he concentrated on lacing his skates. She glanced to hers that were on the floor where he had set them, and felt her throat tighten. She was shocked and moved and slightly confused. How had he known what size shoe she wore? She was positive that she'd never mentioned it before nor did he ever ask. It wasn't as if he went through her closet, looking at the abundant collection she had and if he had merely guessed, she had to admire his accuracy.

"Mom?" Her head snapped toward his voice, a frown on his face. "What's wrong? Did I get the wrong size? Or did they give us the wrong size?" He reached for her skates, placed one into his lap, and looked inside. "No, never mind, they're the right size. What's wrong then? Why do you have that look on your face?"

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yeah you do."

"I'm not sure what you-"

"Henry, Regina, you two almost ready?" Charming is grinning, a few inches taller by the skates on his feet. "I've never been ice-skating before."

When they finally left the ice-skating rink, all three of their faces were tinged to a light shade of pink and it wasn't just from the cold. When Charming had said he'd never been ice-skating before, it was true. The moment he stepped onto the ice, he had grabbed onto her shoulder. She couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her lips and when Henry turned to look at them, he grinned. Charming merely shrugged, looking the least bit sheepish, and repeated that he'd never skated before. The three of them fell enough times thanks to Charming, and although she'd usually be frustrated that she'd be sorer and have bruises, it didn't really bother her as much as she thought it would.

* * *

It was around five when they found themselves at Granny's, Charming footing the bill when neither she nor Henry was paying attention. She was surprised that he'd done so, but realized just how ridiculous she was being. Henry was just as much his and she berated herself for her thinking. After all these years, she still couldn't seem to grasp the idea of Henry needing or loving anyone else but her. It was silly but she knew that this exact thing about her was what drove him away from her in the first place.

The three of them had walked to her house from Granny's, taking in the cool air and the snow that seemed to cover just about every inch of town. Her hands were stuffed in her coat pockets, Henry and Charming walking on either side of her.

Henry broke the silence, his warm breath causing a small puff of mist. "They're not coming back soon, are they?"

She clenched her jaw so tightly that a headache began to form but she couldn't stop herself, out of fear of saying the wrong thing. She glanced to Charming, whose smile that seemed to have been permanent all day, disappear.

"Don't you worry, Henry, we'll figure something out. Your mom and I have been at it for a while and we'll keep thinking of ways until we find the right one."

"I know but... it won't be soon."

"No... Not really. You'll just have to hope and have a lot of faith. And when they come back, it won't even feel like they were gone."

Henry merely nodded, then looped his arm with hers, pulling himself closer to her. She placed a short kiss to the top of his head then sighed. "I made you a promise and I have no intentions breaking it."

"I know."

"Good." She nods. "Remember that."

They reached her house and she fumbled with the keys before they finally got inside. The house was dark but warm. She had shrugged out of her coat and opened the closet door to put it away until Henry reached for her coat and took it from her. "I'll put it away. Is it okay if Charming and I play some video games? I know you're tired and you can go to sleep but we'll have the volume down so it won't bother you."

She nodded, and then made her way to the staircase. "Don't make a mess of my kitchen when you two finally decide to eat something later."

"No promises!" Henry cleared his throat. "But goodnight, mom."

"Goodnight Henry. Charming."

"Night, Regina."

And as she made her way upstairs, she couldn't help but feel the tension leave her shoulders. By the time she was in bed, lying there with the covers tightly wrapped around her, she felt her blood pumping through her veins. The day had been a long one and she wasn't sure how she survived. Her body ached but not as much as her face. Although it was just the three of them, she couldn't help the smile that had taken over her face for the entire day.

The distinct sounds of the two in the living room setting up the game was all she heard, her breathing evened out, eyes shut. It was easier for her to fall asleep this way, knowing she wasn't alone. When she finally did fall asleep though, she couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be.

* * *

She was in that same damn clearing again. It had become the usual meeting place and it almost drove her mad that she's been here so often that she knows just about every inch of it. She sits below a tree, her back leaning against it. She pulls at the grass without thought, waiting. The sound of approaching footsteps causes her to look up and she smiles softly.

"How was his birthday?"

"Why yes, _darling_, I missed you too."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Come on, seriously. How was it? How is he?" She stopped in front of her, her shadow blocking the sun from hitting Regina's eyes.

"Have a seat, dear."

With a huff, the blonde sat herself beside her, an arm going around Regina's shoulders and pulling her close. Emma grinned at the slight sigh she heard, resting her head on top of Regina's. "Okay, now tell me."

"He's fifteen, you know," she murmured, her face in the crook of Emma's neck. "He's almost sixteen. Before we know it, he'll be driving and going on dates and… _voting_."

Emma stifled a laugh, biting on her lower lip. "The horror."

"You're mocking me."

"I would never!"

"Be careful, Miss Swan, or I might just let him drive _your _car."

"Regina," she whined softly, her face nuzzling into dark hair. "That's not fair."

She hummed, shrugging her shoulders afterward.

"Really though… how was his birthday? I wish I got to spend it with him."

"He's growing quite quickly. He's up to my shoulders now…"

"Psh, he'll pass you in no time."

"You too, then."

"What? I'm _way _taller than you."

"You're not that tall, Miss Swan. Keep dreaming." She paused, lowering her voice. "I know I am."

Emma frowned. "Regina—"

Clearing her throat, she shifted slightly, an arm going around Emma. "His birthday, though, was quite enjoyable. We went to the comic book store and he bought a few things—"

"You had him buy his own stuff on his birthday?"

"No, he _insisted _on it. As I was saying, before I was so _rudely _interrupted…" She grinned, letting out another sigh. "After he bought them, we went ice-skating. I'm a bit surprised but Charming has absolutely no balance at all. Then we went to dinner afterwards at Granny's, and then went home. They were playing video games before I went to bed and I'm assuming they still are."

* * *

"Fuck, you're kidding me. Snow, do you fucking _see _that?"

"Emma, language!"

Growling, Emma pushed herself up off the floor, dusting the front of her shirt off. "We're gonna follow her. That portal, it could be it."

"And what if it isn't?"

"We have to hope it is. Besides, if Cora can open this portal, she'll find a way to open another if it's not the right one."

"Well… let's hope you're right then."

"So we're following her? You're on board? We don't have to, you know. I know you wanna get back to Charming as soon as possible."

"Emma, we've been trying for five _years_. A few days more isn't going to hurt us."

"Okay then. You have everything?"

Snow nodded. Emma inhaled deeply, peeking around the bush.

"Let's go then."

* * *

Five nights. It's been five nights since she's seen Emma and the worry has finally gotten to her. The knot in her stomach has become permanent and she becomes nauseous every single time she sees Henry and Charming. She knows something has happened and yet she's keeping it from them, hoping that Emma merely got caught up in finding a way back to them but she's having a hard time believing it herself.

How will she tell them that the only way she knew that they were okay is no longer valid? Emma hadn't said anything to her the last time she saw her and it makes her see red. If the blonde had done something rash and irresponsible to get her injured, she was going to lose her mind.

Part of her was hoping that she'd show up because telling Henry and Charming that she and Emma weren't communicating anymore was a conversation she didn't want to have.

* * *

**A/N: I know I didn't really say what happened to Emma and Snow but that's because I wanted you to have a choice of what happens in the end.**

**I'm just kidding.**

**They're stealing the Declaration of Independence with Nicolas Cage.**


	2. Chapter 2

She wanted to laugh at herself at how afraid she felt. There was nothing to fear and there was nothing to worry about but she couldn't believe she allowed herself to feel nothing but those two things for so long. It wasn't because she didn't believe in them; she just didn't believe they'd be able to make it back so quickly. Not that those five years was a short amount of time or anything, but now that they returned, it seemed like it was just yesterday when she saw Emma at her front door.

Her eyes drift from the newspaper she was reading, finding Emma and Henry at the kitchen counter, packing lunch and probably trying to sneak in a few extra snacks like when he was five instead of fifteen. She watches as Emma grins, attempting at sneaking in an extra pudding pack into both hers and Henry's lunch bag. Regina clears her throat, brow raised, and Emma pauses. With a shrug, the blonde drops the pudding pack into the bags, shooting her a grin.

She lets it slide, only because she doesn't know what else to do. Scold her? Like that would change anything. Sighing, she stands up from her seat at the kitchen table and grabs her coat from the back of her chair. It was close to half past seven, and that was later than usual for her.

Henry is beside her in a few minutes, handing her the lunch they packed for her with a grin on his face. "Have fun at work, mom."

Emma rolls her eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Kid, your mom's going to _work_. There's no such thing as fun there."

Henry huffs, turning his body slightly to look at Emma. "I was just trying to be positive, you know. You're taking the day off and I get today off because it's Memorial Day weekend _and _we're hanging out at the park, but _mom _chose to go to work, even when she didn't have to."

"Way to make me feel like I don't work, kid." The blonde pouts, heading toward the living room. "But, you'll be home early today right?"

Regina nods, her mind spinning at how everything seemed the same when it was so different. "Of course."

"Great." Emma's grinning now, and as she nears Regina, she drops a kiss onto her cheek. "See you then. I'm making my famous grilled cheese tonight."

"Lovely."

"Don't worry, mom. I'll get a salad from Granny's for you, just in case." Henry throws his arms around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. "But her grilled cheese sandwiches aren't that bad."

She chuckles, her hand running through his hair before he pulled away. "I know. We'll see how I feel when I get home. Have fun with Emma today and do _not _get into any more trouble, understood?"

"Ye-_es_." He drops his head slightly. "It was only one time."

"And once is enough." She kisses the top of his head softly and grabs her keys from the kitchen counter. "I'll see you when I get home."

* * *

She can't concentrate. The pile of papers on her desk has stayed the same since she arrived to the office and she can't seem to bring herself to even _start_. The silence within her office was suffocating her, and as she tried to occupy her mind, she couldn't think of anything else except for the fact that this feeling was all too familiar.

_It was the week after Henry's birthday and she felt the guilt eating at her from the inside, the words clawing up her throat. But she'd swallow them down because she refused to admit anything to Henry and David that she wasn't sure of. That, and because admitting it would mean that she accepted the fact that her and Emma no longer share a connection where she could be absolutely sure that the blonde was okay._

_ She found herself cleaning again while Henry was out with David, something about a new movie and having some guy time. Originally, Regina had started her day in her office, thinking that maybe she could get some work done or look at a few budget reports but she couldn't bring herself to focus. After an hour of just staring at papers, she decided it would be pointless to even try so she started cleaning. _

_ Now, she was in the living room, wiping down everything she could reach. Regina's mind was everywhere, trying to figure out what her next step would be. But then someone rang her doorbell and she paused because who would be coming to see her? _

_ Dropping the damp cloth in her hand onto the table she was wiping down, she lifted herself off of her knees and to her feet. As she made her way to her door, she smoothed down her skirt out of habit. Regina swung the door open, words already on the tip of her tongue, until her eyes collided with bright green. She couldn't breathe, because suddenly her eyes were taking in blonde and green and red and blue._

_ "Hi."_

_ The first thing she felt was anger and it consumed her to the point where she didn't know what she was doing, and when she slapped Emma, it wasn't intentional, just instinct. And as the sound echoed between them, she froze because she just slapper her. Because she _felt _her._

_ "Um, ow? What the hell?" The blonde lifted her hand to rub at her cheek, a frown at her lips. "You'd think a girl would be happy to see you after being gone for so long."_

_ "You're here," she breathed out, eyes wide. _

_ "Um, _yeah_. That's kinda how you hit me."_

_ "You're _here_." Then she was mad again, because how dare she. How dare she just show up out of nowhere without telling you and making you worry and lose your mind because you thought she was _dead_. Regina lightly punched Emma's arm, grabbing her by the shoulders and gripped tightly. "_You're here._"_

_ "Jesus, Regina, _yes_. I'm here."_

_ "How dare you."_

_ "What?"_

_ "You just… you just disappear! You didn't tell me and I was—I thought you _died_. What were you thinking?! No, I take that back, you weren't thinking. You just decided to do something that risked your life without telling me anything and you were just expecting me to tell Henry and David that I'd lost any way of communication with you just so you could try something out and—"_

_ "Regina, shut up."_

_ She pulls back, eyes blazing. "Emma Swan, you—"_

_ "Just shut up. Please. I'm back now. Snow's back now. And we're both okay. Isn't that what we've all wanted?"_

_ "_Yes_, but…"_

_ "No buts. We're back and we're okay. Okay?"_

_ Regina merely nods. "Okay… but we're going to talk about it sooner or later."_

_ Emma groans, shoulders slumping. "I figured. Can I get a bath first? A really, really long one?"_

* * *

It's around four when Regina finally gets home and the house is quiet. She was expecting the sound of video games on or music, but the house was completely still. It makes her heart beat faster and it feels like a weight settled in her stomach, because what if it was all just a dream up until now? What if Emma and Snow were still gone and that she had merely imagined it all?

She sucks in a breath of air, dropping her coat onto the back of couch before steadying herself against it. Her hands shake slightly as she reaches for her phone in her purse, but she stops when she hears the sound of laughter come from the backyard. Making her way over to the backdoor quickly, she lets out a whoosh of air, her eyes finding Emma and Henry playing soccer.

Regina quickly turns and makes her way upstairs and when she's finally in her room, she leans against the door and squeezes her eyes shut. How is it that she still can't seem to grasp the fact that they were back? She felt ridiculous and clingy and needy and everything she despised. Logically, she knows that Emma is here with them but somehow, her mind goes back and it makes her question everything all the time and it just confuses her. Even after months of having Emma back, it didn't feel like it to her. It felt like she just came back and she was still adjusting and sometimes, when she most needed Emma because she was having one of those days where she couldn't let the blonde out of her sight, she felt like Emma really would be gone because of how she acted.

_ She didn't sleep. She couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she would lie beside Emma, staring at her with an arm around her. Her mind wouldn't rest and the fear she felt kept her up all night long. How could she sleep and waste hours away when she could spend it with Emma instead, even if she was asleep? There was no reason she shouldn't sleep herself, if that was the case. But she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes because what if, when she finally opened them again, Emma would be gone? That she had been dreaming all over again._

_ "Go to sleep."_

_ Her heart jumped in her chest, pounding furiously. "I thought you were asleep."_

_ "I _was_ but your staring was so loud, it woke me up." Emma cracked an eye open. "Why are you still awake? Better yet, why are you watching me sleep?"_

_ "I'm not tired."_

_ Emma sighed. "Regina, you came home from work today completely exhausted. Go to sleep."_

_ If only it were that easy. She stares at Emma, who had both eyes shut once more. Letting out a slow breath of air, she began to focus on her breathing to slow it down. And when Emma was finally asleep once more, she can't help but feel a little jealous._

_ "I would love to sleep," she admitted softly, her arm tightening around Emma as she buried her face into the blonde's neck. "I would love to sleep so much but I can't. It feels like a waste of time, dreaming of you when I'm already here with you. Does that make sense? Even if you're asleep, I'd rather be awake, just so I can see you in the flesh instead of in my dreams."_

_ She stopped talking, listening to Emma's breathing. Her eyes began to grow heavy as the sun was beginning to rise and her body began to relax, but then her mind started going once more and her eyes were wide open, fighting the sting she felt. And when her alarm was about to sound, she turned it off five minutes earlier._

_ "Don't go to work."_

_ She sighs, rolling her eyes. "I have to."_

_ "No, you need to sleep. Don't go into work today."_

_ "Emma—"_

_ "What good will you be if you just fall asleep? Don't go to work today."_

She is shaken from her memory by a knock on her door, causing her head to snap up. Taking in a few deep breaths, she opens her door.

"Hey. You're home." Emma is smiling and it melts her in a way that makes her want to close her eyes and soak it all in. "I'd hug you but I'm all sweaty from playing soccer with Henry and I smell really—"

With a roll of her eyes, Regina pulls Emma towards her by the hem of her shirt. Immediately, her arms go around Emma, resting on the top of her shoulders, her face against her cheek. She feels arms wrap around her waist, and she can't help but close her eyes and cling tightly to her for a few seconds before stepping away.

"Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah. Wore me out though. I'm startin' to feel old."

Regina stifled a laugh, turning toward the closet to get out clothes to change into. "I wouldn't exactly say you're at your youngest."

"You callin' me old?"

"I did no such thing." She pulls out a tank top and yoga pants, angling her head behind her to look at Emma. "Can you…?"

With a grin, Emma makes her way over. "I'm definitely not too old to do this." She unzips Regina's dress, the grin never leaving her face.

* * *

She's having one of those days again and she wants to scream. She can't stand it and she can't stand herself at the moment. It's Sunday and Henry's working and they have the day to themselves basically, but she can't force Emma to want to spend time with her today or to even deal with her.

Regina huffs as she lies on her back in bed, wishing she could fall back asleep. It wouldn't hurt to kill a few more hours until Emma woke up, and maybe then, the blonde would've had time to do her own thing or to have made plans that'll force Regina to suck it up and not cling to her today.

But she's not that lucky. She's never that lucky because she can't fall asleep again. It's not even ten, and she's already awake. Chances are, Emma won't be up for another two hours. So she brings herself just a little closer to Emma but staying on her back. Their hands, though, stayed intertwined but she can't remember when that happened.

Shutting her eyes, Regina found herself in that place where she was asleep but it was so light, the slightest movement from Emma woke her up. She heard every little thing but her body was so relaxed that it just seemed to sink into her bed. But when she felt Emma stretching, her eyes immediately popped open.

"'m sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, no… I've been awake."

"Oh, okay." Emma lets out a satisfied sigh, before rolling onto her side. "Wait."

"Hm?"

"You've _been_ awake."

"Did I say that? My mistake, darling."

"Were you…" Emma narrows her eyes, a smug smile taking over her face. "Were you _waiting _for me?"

Regina merely scoffs, rolling out of bed. "I don't know what you're talking about." She heads into the bathroom and grabs her toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it, and begins her morning routine. After a few seconds, her head pops out of the bathroom door, toothbrush in her hand, pointing towards Emma. "Besides, maybe if you weren't such a late riser, I wouldn't have still been in bed."

"Riiiight…" Emma stretches once more and heads into the bathroom also. "Well, I'll make it up to you."

"Oh really?"

"Really. We'll spend the whole day together." She places a kiss on Regina's cheek before grabbing her toothbrush. "It's been awhile since we've just had the house to ourselves anyway."

Regina was torn as she watched Emma begin brushing her teeth. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? But she so badly wanted Emma to go out and do something also, just so she could force herself to deal with the fact that Emma wasn't around and she couldn't cling to her. Then again, she was never that lucky.

They were finally downstairs, empty plates with crumbs on the table in the living room as they sat on the couch together. The TV was on, neither of them really paying attention to it. Somehow, even though they'd pretty much spent the entire day in bed, there was a possibility they'd be having a nap soon. Except Emma's cell phone decided to ring and no one ever really called on her day off unless it was an emergency and it made Regina tense all over again.

With a sigh, Emma leaned forward, grabbing her phone.

"Sheriff Swan."

Regina can't help but pull herself off of the couch and head into the kitchen, because she already knew what was going to happen. She'd rather avoid hearing it or any excuses that Emma could possibly come up with. As she was rummaging through the fridge, trying to figure out what to make for dinner, Emma stopped at the counter.

"Emergency, sheriff?"

"Yeah… Something about Leroy causing a bit of chaos."

She dipped her head in acknowledgement, before turning around to face the blonde and place what she grabbed from the fridge onto the counter. "Will you be back in time for dinner?"

"Hopefully." Emma sighs, running a hand through her messy blonde hair that she failed to comb a few hours ago. "I'm really sorry. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Go on, sheriff. I don't want to keep you here any longer if it means it'll get you back sooner."

With a nod, Emma turns around, grabbing her keys and heads out the door. And when it closes, Regina's hands grip onto the countertop with all of her strength. Because she hopes it'll keep her from sliding to the floor and curling up into a ball. Because she hopes it'll keep her from grabbing her own keys and following after her. And because she hopes it'll keep her anchored to the present instead of taking a trip down memory lane.

So she forces herself to start on dinner and distract herself with making every little part of it as perfect as she can. She dices the tomatoes as precise as she can, to the point where each little cube is the same size as all the others. She separates the egg whites from the yolk to the point where it didn't seem like the yolk even existed. And she seasoned the chicken to the point where every inch was covered and each seasoning was equally distributed that there was no way that she'd missed a spot.

And when the front door opens a few hours later, the sound of boots pounding their way through the house, she finds her shoulders relaxing and suddenly, the amount of sunflower seeds in the salad didn't matter anymore. Her eyes snap up to connect with green, and her heart feels like its soaring. So when Emma has somehow managed to wrap her arms around her waist without her really noticing, she can't help but feel like she's still in bed, dreaming. She knows it's not a dream though, because she can feel just how warm Emma is and it warms her up in all the right ways, starting at her chest.

* * *

**I honestly didn't know how to end this so a super huge apology if this wasn't what you were hoping for.**


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